On Grounding my identity in the Lord — Two years ago, in November of 2020, I was at the lowest point in my life. I actually thought I must have had a really smooth sailing life so far and that I deserved all the devastating things that were happening to me, in the same year. In March that year, I lost my favourite job, after returning from my maternity. And at the end of the year, before I could regain my footing, my marriage fell apart and I had to abort my second child. My ex-husband didn’t want it. I never knew how badly it would scar me. Till today, I feel a clutch at my chest sometimes, when I see families with two or more young children and I’m out alone with my daughter.
Even though I had to face the goliath of my life alone, I soon realised I wasn’t alone. God has always been there for me. To deal with my grief, I was looking for a counsellor. Somehow I was introduced to my counsellor Alice in November that year, through Talk your heart out platform. I had around thirteen sessions with her and it was intense each time, but as I reviewed my notes, I felt she was God-sent.
Part of the pain and suffering I felt then was due to my outlook in life. I was living my own hell. I always remembered that she asked my what formed the basis of my identity. I realised that in school, I have always viewed my achievements as part of my identity. And when I started working, my identity was based on my performance and my pay. When one idolises money, the result is that he or she will never be happy. Because that is insatiable.
When I became a Christian, I reviewed our notes and it dawned on me that I should ground my identity in Christ instead. That I’m a child of God and judge myself based on the word instead of other worldly things. As I shifted my paradigm, everything changed. I started to experience more happiness and peace on my life instead. Instead of seeking the next job offer, I started to look within myself and seek God instead. I began to hunger for his word and listen to at least a sermon or devotion daily.
When I thought I’ve lost everything that year, instead I gained more than what I could actually imagine.
“Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.”
John 3:5-6 ESV
In knowing Christ, I really felt I was reborn again. It was as if I am finally seeing life through a new of pair of glasses. I felt I have never felt so sure of my purpose or my identity till I became a believer.
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